STRESS of the NICU Part 2

Know that your NICU staff are there to serve you, as well as your baby. Please don’t be afraid to ask questions, as many times as you need to hear some concept explained. In even the most fertile (and relaxed) environments, a learner requires frequent repetition in order to assimilate new information. Numerous sleep deprivation studies connect lack of sleep with spotty incorporation and performance on all levels. Recall that sleep deprivation has been wielded as a means of torture for centuries. Confusion, loss of appetite, immune system compromise and more, are common side-effects.

As one who also endured a nightmarish first few weeks after baby’s arrival, my advice is to take care of yourself and let NICU take care of the baby. New NICU parents rarely relax enough to sleep or eat, so this is the time to call in the troops and ask for help. When someone asks ,”Is there’s anything I can do to help?” name a day of the week; then say “call me.” By the time they call, you’ll have thought of at least one errand or some task that needs tending. This gives you a chance to include as many folks in your support network as possible. Allow others to play even a small part. (Ask any actor and they’ll tell you: There are no small parts!) Allow that friend to take your shoes to get reheeled, to pick up the dry-cleaning, to mop your kitchen floor…

Allow others to share the blessing. Soon enough, you’ll have your turn to pay it forward.

How Do You Spell S*T*R*E*S*S? The Preemie Experience…

How Do You Cope With the STRESS of  Having a Baby in the NICU? Part 1

Buzzers and bells and loudspeakers, oh my!” and “How can anyone get any sleep in here?

Do you remember your first peek in the NICU? A recent ad hoc survey of family, friends and healthcare workers turned up some rather frightening adjectives when asked: In a word, what was your first impression of the NICU ? Responses included : scary, surreal, torture chamber, bizarro, Orwellian, hell, warzone, and heaven.
(I understand most of the sentiment. But, heaven? That mom added,“’cause that’s where my baby is.”)

Heavenly sentiments aside,  how do you cope when life deals you the NICU card? How do you manage the STRESS? Can’t eat, can’t sleep, can’t see the sun, the trees, the flowers in bloom. Having a child in the hospital rips through emotional defenses. Many call it the roller coaster. Quipped one father of a preemie, “Can you say, trainwreck?”

According to this week’s podcast guest, Danea Gemmel, mother of 24 week twin girls, the secret is to “manage the minutes.”  Wise advice from a mom who had cause to wonder if either or both of the twins would survive what we in the NICU refer to as a patient’s  medical course. (Sometimes it seems more like an obstacle course.)

“First you manage the minutes, then you manage the hours, then the days, then you get to when they’re 11 years old!” beams Danea.

Adequate rest and good nutrition is the key to mending. Moms need to recover from the birth and build back the blood lost in delivery. Estimated blood loss for a normal  delivery is 250 cc, or about 3 cups; double that for a cesarean. (When you donate blood to the Red Cross, they take less!) Dads need to provide a calm atmosphere for mom, who is physically spent and now must also pump her breasts, ad nauseum, often while recovering from major surgery.

Of course, dads don’t get off so easy, either. Many parent partners won’t readily admit it, but they also have to cope with the emotion-commotion that accompanies the whole premature baby package. There’s the financial stress on top of the concern for mother and child, and despite The Family and Medical Leave Act, (which provides certain employees with up to 12 weeks of unpaid, job-protected leave per year) many breadwinners opt to keep working, to keep the tummies full. That daily service, in the best of work environments, requires a certain amount of sleep. Ha! Sleep takes on an ethereal quality during this time of worry and every four-hour breast pumping. Add  other children to the household…well, I don’t have to tell you.

Click here for Danea’s  interview about handling STRESS in the NICU:Danea-G-podcast2

***Inaugural Edition***

Greetings and welcome to my blog and audio podcasts!
(Scroll to bottom for podcast)
Please make yourself at home. Take off your shoes, and I’ll put the kettle on. We can talk about all things in the world of the premature and micropremature baby. Whether you call them low birth weight, very low birth weight (aka: VLBW), micro premature, micro-premature or micropremature, it makes no difference. If you are reading this, chances are your life has been changed forever by the entrance of a tiny person into your once relatively normal existence. Those of you who are new to our community may be shaking with fear as you read this. Welcome. I have designed this space with you in mind. It is my hope you will leave here with just that…hope.  Those of you old-timers with babies already home from the NICU, or whose babies are in the feeder-grower stage, I invite your comments as well. Perhaps you are the grandparent, aunt or uncle of the new little miracle? Or a neighbor, friend or coworker? Healthcare worker, student or educator? All are invited to participate. Any time you wish to be removed from the subscription list, you may do so easily at the bottom of the page. I promise not to bombard you with too many postings; my aim is one a month with a podcast to match the subject.
I especially want to know what questions you have for this NICU nurse?

Thanks for stopping by. Feel free to forward this to your friends and family who might be needing some encouragement during their very difficult time.

Yours for love of all children,
Candy Campbell

P.S.

Don’t forget to listen to the audio interview with this month’s guest, Danae Gemmel, mom of 11 year old twin girls born at 24 weeks.

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Today I want to introduce a subject that rarely is spoken about in the NICU: motherly guilt.

All NICU parents experience a certain amount of  shock and PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) when robbed of the dream of a healthy infant, whether full term or premature. This disappointment, interlaced with joy for actually giving birth, can be the entrance into a weird state of existence that one parent described as ”like a funhouse, without the fun.” Some call it the NICU war-zone; the nightmare roller-coaster ride that won’t let you off. Even in the best of situations,when a happy couple yearns for a baby, when mom has done everything ‘right’, when there is no known scientific reason for  premature labor to have begun, the mother may suffer from feelings of guilt she cannot escape. Unfortunately, logic holds no currency in the land of emotion. No amount of reasoning with the mother can shake the idea that she has somehow failed in a mission nature has designed for her to complete. Don’t even go there.

I know something of this motherly guilt,first-hand, although not in any way to the same degree suffered by those moms whose babies must remain in the NICU for weeks and months. Our second child (now a very healthy 27 year old) was very sick by day two of life with hyperbilirubinemia. She was poked for blood every few hours and nearly had to be transfused. (Since I was a nurse, kindly coworkers offered to let me draw her blood. Noooooo!) Christina spent her first week of life under phototherapy lights,with brief feeding breaks, where I eagerly held her. (Thankfully, I have a wonderful sister-in-love who rallied to help out with our firstborn in the days when daddies didn’t get but a day off to see their children born.) During that, the longest week of my life, I felt more like a mummy than a mommy. Reflecting back, even the sudden death of my father was easier to manage than having to sit by and watch and wait, powerless to help, and not knowing what would be the outcome for our frail, innocent baby. And she was full term!

Multiply those feelings times infinity and you might just glimpse the tips of the evergreen Gilded Guilt trees, which spring up from their fallow canyon beds laid with shock, bewilderment, and remorse, in the nightmares of the preemie baby’s mom. Talk about being unable to see the forest through the trees. Such are the monolithic silhouettes that dog any premature baby’s mother. Be gentle with her. Allow her to mourn what she cannot control.

Fathers carry a load of grief as well, to be sure, but not guilt.

I’d like to open this up to discussion.

If you are a preemie mom, please tell us: what phrase kept  you awake at night?

If you are the father of a preemie, tell us: what did you say or do that definitely helped your partner to feel better?

Are you a relative or friend of the family of a premature infant? What questions do you have?

I have cared for premature babies for nearly 20 years. I don’t pretend to have all the answers, but I will address every question and facilitate seeking answers.

Candy

Click here: danea-g-podcast1